im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
