There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have feelings that need drinking.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
