is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
