You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
