I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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