I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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