All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize