Just took my morning after pill in the library
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize