Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
