"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We talked him into tasing himself.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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