Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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