this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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