True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
