i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
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I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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