In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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