i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
