apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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