We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
