get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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