I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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