I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
