They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
