and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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