I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
