Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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