Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
