dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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