Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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