I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
