Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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