At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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