yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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