Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
