she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Alive.
So much puke
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
