That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
