my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
