wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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