clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize