At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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