WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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