hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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