I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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