I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
