Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
