I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
