so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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