hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
