***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
