Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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