If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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