I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
