Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
