I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
