tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
