She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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