so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
