Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
