no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
