I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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