I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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