it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
