I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
