No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
