im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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