I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
