Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
