Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
